quick recap.

i'd like to talk about how bad i feel that i haven't posted anything for a while, but in all honesty i'd completely forgotten this blog until a couple of days ago. i guess nothing had struck me as interesting enough to post, seeings how i'm trying to keep from being all journal-y and girlish. but in the interest of convincing myself that i've done something with my life within the last six months, i'll list some developments here:

1. i got a new apartment, woo-hoo! living with schoolmates. i'm actually going to be paying real bills, kinda freaked out by the concept of having money worries hang over my head in addition to school stresses.
2. been working as a server for the summer at a casual italian restaurant. it was exciting at first to take home $100 a night, but then it became clear after a while that i was trading in my pride. here's me, a bright, diverse college student with lots of goals for the next year and the far-off future, and i'm picking up people's dishes and asking, "would you like soup or salad?" it's hard to know that the people i serve have no idea how intelligent and opinionated i am, or that i have this job to get my degree and not just to work.... but that's part of a job i suppose.
3. been looking for a car. can i afford this? not exactly. do i need it? ABSOLUTELY. my oldie goldie is falling apart, literally.
4. almost through my reading list! finished mcewan (A+), read faulkner (Z-), working on anna karenina and some d.h. lawrence (loves it), got through vonnegut (interesting ideas, but hated the simplicity).
5. had a brief psuedo-fling with another server.... like almost non-existent actually. he moved to england recently, and i think it's for the absolute best. we were at different chapters even if in the same book, and i have this unfortunate problem where i don't fall for anyone, like at all, so that wouldn't really have worked out in his favor.

i had hoped to do some really cool stuff like read the paper every day, make a stained glass coffee table, write this essay i've had in mind for a while and send it off just for kicks, catch up on movies (you have no idea how many times in my life i've heard the exclamation "you've NEVER seen [insert must-see movie]?!?!?!"]...... damn, i really didn't do anything with my life!! crap.

i heard somewhere that people lie to themselves the most before they fall asleep: i'll change for the better, we'll work on it together, i'll quit eventually, etc... maybe so they'll stop worrying about it and be able to rest with a sort of fake self-assurance. but this one is saying, right here and now, with no sleep or fake promises in sight, that she won't keep wasting her time!! keeping it centered and full of purpose, or i'm bound to lose both my center and purpose.